This is why my anxiety skyrockets when I get close to a church. This is why I get so anxious when I’m confronted with Bible text. They preach unconditional love when they know deep down they have a million conditions. I only know a few Christians that actually love people unconditionally: my grandmother, my best friend, and my favorite cousin. My mother was too. They are few and far between but they do exist.

Due to the dramatic experiences I’ve had in the church, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to call myself a Christian ever again. It just hurts too much. There’s also racism deeply rooted in Christianity which makes me fear white Christians even more than usual.