Outgrowing Friends
Friends can break your heart too
I’m far from perfect. My anxiety follows me around like my shadow. I procrastinate heavily. Sometimes I don’t write for a few days in a row. I’m naive at times. I buy too many video games and too much Chinese food. I let my projects swallow me whole sometimes. I fall for the girl with the beautiful smile that reaches her eyes and I’ll do almost anything for her.
However, if I care about you, I’ll have your back until the end of time. I love too hard. Even if someone does something horrible, I end up trying to figure out why they did it before I try to figure out why I let it slide.
I let some people have access to me and my support when they might not deserve it. I’ve known this friend of mine since Elementary school, but we didn’t get really close until about a year after we graduated. Ever since the beginning of this year, things have changed. It really started when she told me I should cut my close friend off. I’ve written about this friend numerous times, like the one here:
Anyway, she told me that right after I asked my friend to be my Valentine. I got a yes, and I texted her with fireworks of happiness exploding in my chest. She basically burst my bubble. She accused me of using my gifts as a plot to change my friend’s mine about how she felt about me. I plummeted into a sea of sadness, worried that my friend might feel the same way.
That night, I asked her and ended up having to tell her about the conversation where the other friend suggested I “cut her off.” I spiraled into a panic attack thinking she might not want anything to do with me anymore. Luckily for me, she didn’t care one bit.
From February until now, things have been on a slippery slide downhill. Today, I just had enough. The consistent sarcasm and attitude she directed at me was baffling, especially considering she calls me her number one. So I decided that I’ll just fall back. There’s no point in me holding on to that negative energy. There’s also no point in continuing to be there for her emotionally and allowing her to continue to throw an attitude my way when I’m just trying to be there for her.
Unfortunately, outgrowing a friendship is inevitable. I never thought it’d be this one though. I’ve been struggling with the idea of me outgrowing this friendship for months now. I’ve talked to a couple of other close friends about it, hoping they could tell me it wasn’t really happening.
But it is. It’s happening right in front of my eyes, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
