My Writing Got Me In Trouble
Writing is how I get things off of my chest and out of my mind.
I write about whatever is going on in my life, from my latest video game pickup to unfortunate events that happen.
I wrote about something that was going on between me and a friend, and I posted it on social media. I posted it because people go through the same things. Everyone messes up. Everyone gets their heart broken. Everyone has to figure out life for themselves.
I didn’t really think much of it when I posted it, because I’ve been doing it since I created the page. I share poems and paragraphs on that page all the time, and they all stem from personal experience.
I was sitting with my friends in Ruby Tuesday. We were eating and attempting to hold a conversation in between bites. I look down to see a paragraph on my lockscreen from a friend that I’ve been at odds with.
Confused, I tap on my screen to open our message thread. When I initially read the message, I got a defensive vibe from it. At the end of the message was something along the lines of: “Talk to me when you feel like it’s worth the effort. And I’m glad (insert another friend’s name) is holding your heart together.”
I hadn’t talked to this friend in a couple days, so I didn’t have any idea where the paragraph was coming from. I asked, but I didn’t get a response that day.
Being the overthinker that I am, I asked another close friend to help me figure out what was going on. Anger boiled under my skin. I didn’t see any logical reason to mention another friend of mine, except to get under my skin. If that was her motive, she was definitely successful. I was hot, but I decided to enjoy the rest of my trip with my other friends instead of wasting time sending another paragraph back.
I was angry because I felt like she had thrown someone very close to me in my face. She’s told me multiple times to cut this specific friend off, but I’d never do that. Hundreds of thoughts began to swim in my head. I wondered if the two of them had talked. I wondered what she meant. I wondered was she intentionally trying to piss me off.
So the next day rolls around, and I finally get her to text me back. Her answer was full of attitude, just like a lot of her responses had been over the past couple of months. This only managed to piss me off even more. Apparently, that paragraph was a response to an Instagram post I made four days ago. The post didn’t have her name in it anywhere. Nobody would know it was about her, including her, unless they asked me. To anybody else, it was just a post talking about how some friendships don’t last, even when the goal was to reach forever.
However, she read the piece and immediately felt something. Maybe she felt attacked or called out. Maybe it made her sad because it made her think of how distant we’ve become. I don’t really know how she felt, because instead of coming to me about it to talk — she wrote a ranting paragraph and disappeared.
Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, whether it’s platonic or romantic.
If you can’t come to someone when you two aren’t on the same page, how do you expect to last for duration? If you’re not open to coming up with a solution, how do you expect it to get solved?
I’ve told her that I felt like we were becoming distant for months. I recently told her I was taking a step back because I couldn’t keep allowing her to treat me like her emotional punching bag. She didn’t start paying attention until I posted that piece on Instagram. Why not pay attention when I’m saying it to you? Why not have a discussion then?
She waited until I didn’t feel like I could come to her anymore. She waited until she felt like a stranger to me. I didn’t feel like it was worth it to keep saying the same thing over and over. I was done, and I had begun to write the pain away. The damage was done.
My writing got me into some hot water. However, if I had to choose, I’ll choose writing every time.
