If You Were Looking For A Sign, Here It Is

I stand on the ledge surrounded by darkness — silent but deadly darkness. I stand on the ledge and see fellow humans going on about their lives, paying me no mind. The truth is, if I was to jump — it wouldn’t mean much to most. However, it would mean everything to a select few. It would mean everything to the ones that engage in meme wars with me until we fill the storage space on our phones. It would mean everything to the people that I write paragraphs for. It would mean everything to the ones I call family, whether we’re related by blood or not. I’m one human out of the 7 billion + on Earth. I’m almost like an ant — a small being just trying to survive this thing we can life. .

I find myself on this ledge numerous times. They say that once you experience suicidal thoughts, they always come back. They say that your mind is forever changed. This is never going to be a simple battle that you win and never deal with again. It comes back days later, months later, and even years later. People lose the war before they hit 20, in their 30s, in their 60s. It lasts a lifetime. Only the people that have experienced this can really relate this.

I am not the only person that finds themselves on this ledge wondering how they’re going to make it down this time. Sometimes I just hold on for dear life. Some I’m not in control at all as if I’m spinning rapidly in a car on a racetrack. Sometimes all I can do is close my eyes. And that’s okay.

If you needed this sign, its right here. You can safely climb off the ledge like you have before. It might not be pretty, but that doesn’t matter. If you needed a sign to stay, here it is — just for you. Stay for a pet. Stay for a new video game or album or movie that’s just around the corner. Stay to hear your friend laugh one more time. Stay for tacos. Stay for ice cream. Stay for when the sun comes back up. The rain never lasts forever.

-BFoundAPen