How the Sims Kept Me Sane

The Sims franchise provided refuge from reality

I don’t remember the name of the first Sims game I played.

I remember grabbing it off the Blockbuster shelf and begging my mom to rent it for me. She put the empty case on top of the movies she picked out. I watched as the man behind the counter slipped the disk into the case.

We couldn’t get home quick enough. I raced from the car to our porch and waited for her to unlock the door. I plopped the disk into my Playstation 2 and dropped to the tile floor in my room.

I never made a female Sim. I might’ve been seven or eight at the time, and I had no idea what transgender was. I just didn’t want to play as a girl. The men were much cooler to my younger self.

In the Sims, you’re basically controlling every aspect of your Sims lives.

You tell them when to eat, sleep, work, and play. You tag along as they succeed or fail and build a family or grow old alone. Expansions come out every couple of months, adding more stuff to do and explore. Sims could have various hobbies like fishing, gardening, painting, video games, and many more. Sims could go to work or work from home and be self-employed. They could be faithful to one Sim or cheat and have multiple romances. They could do almost everything real people can.

I loved to have my male Sim flirt with whichever women happened to cross his path. Young me would prance my Sim around and queue up social interactions until he earned a lady friend.

I continued to play the Sims franchise as I grew older. I still refused to have my main Sim be a female. However, I did branch out and create a wife for him every now and then. I wouldn’t control her as much. I just made sure she didn’t starve or catch on fire.

Unbeknownst to me, I was living out my dreams in the Sim world.

I would create a handsome male Sim and have him be a writer or a painter. Eventually, I’d find him a beautiful woman in the city and have them date. When I got their relationship bar high enough, they’d get married and have kids.

In the back of my mind, that’s what I wished I could do. I’d fall asleep at night, hoping I woke up in a different body. I wished I was born a boy. In the Sims, I was creating different versions of myself. I would spend hours creating awesome dream homes. I would play for days until my Sim would earn thousands in book royalties or climb to the top of his career.

In the Sims, I wasn’t born a girl. I could build myself from the ground up. I could be a creative genius, book smart, handy, or popular with some tactical clicking. I could paint masterpieces and sweep women off their feet. I could raise a family and help my kids with their homework. I could teach my toddler how to walk and talk or pass them off to their mother. After spending the day trapped in reality, I would seek refuge in a virtual world.

It kept me sane. It made my sadness, self–hatred, and worries disappear. Sometimes in the back of my mind I’d think, “I wish this was real life.”

The Sims 4 came out at the beginning of my senior year in high school. I pre–ordered it from Amazon and it was in between the screen door and the wooden door when I got home. I popped the disk in my CD drive and held the case in my hand. I took a moment to remember all the times I’ve had with this franchise.

I still play the Sims today.

It’s on my computer screen right now as I scribble this in my notebook. My current Sim is an aspiring musician living in a spacious apartment with two cats. My own cat is sleeping on top of my computer chair. I lose track of time as I watch my Sim live out his life.

I guess some things never change.